Monday, April 19, 2010

Thinking... Thinking...

So today has been a pretty decent Monday.  A lot of folks are out of the office so it seems pretty low key.  I'm trying to get my work done but of course when that happens other things go crazy.  Our website has been acting crazy slow so I've been fighting it all morning to get things done.

Other than that though here's today's lunch...
Today I have leftover ham and scalloped potatoes with fruit cocktail.  The potatoes are REALLY peppery so I think next time I will do less pepper.  OY!  The ham is really good though so I was happy about that.

Well today's topic of interest for me is diet.  Diet to me is a four letter word.  It probably ranks up there next to the F word and the S word on the scale of bad words you can say.  Seriously the idea of dieting makes me want to run screaming into the hills.  No matter what I've tried the second I decide to diet I go nuts.  Even saying I'm going to "eat healthy" doesn't work.  In my mind I know I'm trying to lose weight or diet...

Here's what happens.  I decide well I don't love how I look or I haven't been eating all that well so something needs to change.  Even if I try to fool myself into thinking I'm just trying to eat better because it's the healthy thing to do I end up in the same place.  For the first few days I am usually fine.  Yeah maybe craving a little sugar or whatever but I can make it.  I can probably even go a week or so sticking to something but then I get to a point where I look at what's in my fridge or cabinets and everything I see = fat to me.  Seriously I'll start to look at anything that's food and think no I shouldn't eat that it's got _____.  Fill in the blank with something like too many calories, too much fat, too much sugar, etc...  I basically start to give up on food thinking well if I eat that then I will go over my calories for the day or points for the day or carbs for the day.  Whatever method of tracking food turns into my worst enemy.  I figure why eat at all then I won't go over my limit for the day.  I still end up eating because I get hungry and I do like food but the many irrational things that go through my head through the diet process is sick.

As of yet I haven't managed to come up with a way to change my eating habits without thinking a million horrible things.  I know that I need to just love my body and love myself as I am and really embrace the whole eating for health and wellness but it's hard to change your thinking from I hate this cellulite to I love my big ol' thighs because they carry me around and support my body...  HA!  It's a joke!  *Sigh...

Either way I'm trying to come up with creative ways to go about this so I don't end up freaking out.  I know integrating exercise is a big part of what I'm missing.  I'm also considering trying the whole "Julie and Julia" idea and cooking my way through a whole cookbook.  Of course I will have to pick a low fat/healthy cookbook or else this could be completely sabotaging to my plan.  Perhaps making it fun will also help me stick with it...
So the goal is to reach a healthy body weight by our honeymoon which we're planning for the first part of October.  I have about 30 pounds to lose but perhaps if I take it slow and just keep plugging away things will work out.  One can only hope...

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